You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?