I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize