My liver just broke up with me...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
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Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
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Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect