Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
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I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
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I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.