just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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