four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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