also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
