I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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