I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My life is pants optional.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
