I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
