the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
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he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
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That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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