The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
