Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
