There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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