I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
