How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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