everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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