so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
