2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
