Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm both gender and math confused
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
