Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
