Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
