Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
