Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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