If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
