I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
