pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
