The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
