i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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