Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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