i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
