**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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