Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Where is the hickey?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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