chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
