my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
