WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
