I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
