I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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