If i come over, it means nothing
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Vodka?
Forever.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
