No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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