Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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