The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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