Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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