if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
