I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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