she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
