aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
