Duck Duck Cougar?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
