She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
