I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
splinters make it hard to masturbate
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
