Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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