it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
