I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Can I color on your dick again?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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