Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
