The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
