I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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