8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
love makes seman taste better
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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