i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
