it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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