I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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