She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
