i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
